


Kaleidoscope (WIP)

by 48eyesand32teeth1sharptongue



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Angst, Dark Padme past elements, Don't copy to another site, Evil Grandpa Sheev, F/M, Force-Sensitive Padmé Amidala, M/M, Manipulation, Multi, Padme is trans, Padme lives Au, Probably Padme and Obi Wan centric, Sith Padmé Amidala, Sort Of, Transphobia, WIP, but the timeline and context is going to be completely butchered, domestic abuse, this entire thing is uploaded in pieces and out of order but that won't stop me, this is a mess past chapter 1, via the antagonists only
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:13:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 11,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23975068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/48eyesand32teeth1sharptongue/pseuds/48eyesand32teeth1sharptongue
Summary: Padme gets a second chance, and doesn't intend to waste it.
Relationships: Padmé Amidala/Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker, but the focus is obianidala, side Rey/Finn/Poe, side Rey/Kylo Ren
Comments: 28
Kudos: 38





	1. I Will Survive

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MusicLover500](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MusicLover500/gifts).



> If you want to collab somehow let me know, although tbh I have no idea how those work. (Also, I didn't mean to delete your comments when I deleted my fic I just completely spaced and needed to delete my SPN stuff, I love your ideas). Also, I apologize if I rambled too much about Batman in any form, thank you for letting me talk about Batman and have a wonderful day. (also if you want me to delete this note for any reason lemme know and I will.)
> 
> Otherwise... To any of my other readers, I love you, and if you have story ideas or oneshot prompts for Batman, Gravity Falls, Star Wars, Hannibal, GOT, Witcher, or SPN, let me know. Idk if I'll be able to deliver or not delete them afterwards, but I will try. My SPN and other stuff is gonna stay down for now, but ideally I'll repost it for you guys when it's not an issue for me down the line. (I'm really frustrated that I can't feel good about keeping it up right now, with today being Sam Winchester's birthday. Like, if there was any day to reupload everything it would be perfect, but I just can't.)
> 
> Fic title a song by Delta Heavy. Chapter title a song by Gloria Gaynor.
> 
> also this is a coming out fic so until Padme realizes he's trans we're using afab terms so be prepared for that

Padme wakes up feeling like her lungs are on fire.

She lurches upright, listing from the pain, before finding her footing and throwing on the nearest blanket, massaging her neck as she leaves the med bay to find Obi Wan, who likely has her children.

(And if he isn't here, next to her, then something has probably gone wrong-)

She needs to see her children, and Obi Wan, and Ahsoka, and Anakin, and-

 _Except Anakin is lost._ Maybe not forever, but after everything he has done, she can't in good conscious try to bring back the man she knows and put everyone she loves in danger when he...

She tries not to think about that. (She tries to hold on to her anger, and yet she can't, because she was tricked, too, and because the anger is a trap, and while she pulled herself back from the edge, and because Anakin was lost and she was just as much to blame and-)

She tries not to think about a lot of things that have gone wrong.

Thankfully, she is interrupted from her musings as she tears through the hallway as fast as she is able, which isn't as fast as she'd like, when a ghostly presence manifests in front of her.

Shmi Skywalker holds out her hand.

 _"You are going the wrong way."_ Her voice sounds far away and muffled, like a garbled holorecorder.

Padme tries to hold it together. It's normal to hallucinate after head trauma and asphyxiation and with all the complications regarding the circumstances surrounding childbirth, and while it doesn't bode well, it's not something she can't push through and move on from.

She needs to hold it together. She needs to form a plan. 

She needs her family, before she loses it even more-

 _Come back, child._ And she needs to drown out Sheev Palpatine's voice seeping through the shields she had been so good at maintaining until now.

(Until he'd almost managed to kill her.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a disaster so every chapter after this one is out of order and unfinished but good lord am I trying my best.


	2. Running Red Lights (WIP)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this isn't done I'm just hoping if I post the rough early disjointed version that I'll get there faster because i am hitting a wall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title a song by the avalanches
> 
> technically chapter 2 but not finished or coherent yet either

"Padme. I think you should sit down."

\--

"You can see her, too?"

"Yes."

 _Force_.

Okay. So she isn't hallucinating. Shmi Skywalker's ghost is apparently very real and also apparently Padme is force sensitive also when not pregnant.

Padme sits, because if she doesn't, she's liable to fall over, and because her body is very much not a fan of standing up now that raw adrenaline is wearing off.

\--

"This is her force signature growing smaller?"

Shmi's voice stays gentle. "From grief. Yes."

If this is a small force signature, Obi Wan fears the extent as to what its range was before.

Mostly because it raw, untrained, untapped, and Padme is very much at the limit of being able to hold everything together now that the shock is wearing off.

(And Obi Wan, in his grief that he is trying to remove himself from and keeps on failing, can't help but wonder what that felt like, when the universe cried out and what had been his family and everything he'd known had almost all but been extinguished.)

\--

The good news is, her signature doesn't give away their position, even though the force of it is easy enough to feel. The radius of it is still too wide a net for any specific location to be pinpointed- and it still stretches more than one star system.

The bad news is, aside from Padme having little to no control, is that Anakin definitely, definitely feels it. As does Lord Sidious.

And that opens avenues of communication Padme needs to keep very, very much closed.

\--

Obi Wan had expected there to be problems trying to escape the newly self-appointed Emperor and Anakin and getting off-planet and taking care of Padme's children and helping Padme.

He had not expected for Padme not only to be force sensitive, but able to use it, with a force signature off the charts... And Padme completely unable to turn off her power.

\--

"Lord Vader. There is something you should know."

"Padme Amidala lives."

\--

The question of how to draw Padme out, seeing as she wouldn't come to him willingly.

Anakin knows Padme well enough to know that much.

So it seems he has three options- give chase, to deceive her and give a false hope that Anakin could go back to what was...

Or he could target people she cares about.

Padme always came back for people she loved.

And while that list was small, it wasn't unmanageable.

\--

Bail Organa knows that the children can't stay with him indefinitely. Mothma is under surveillance, and he knows he is being watched, even if no one has made or move or has seen past his many, many contingencies of hiding in plain sight.

Which is why he's trying his best to track down Ahsoka Tano.


	3. Simmer (currently being added to and edited)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title a song by hayley williams
> 
> my spacebar is broken so this is still a draft, I am manually pasting spaces in with the replace tool after the fact also half the chapter got deleted by the space replacements due to a badly timed hotkey refresh and im still mad about it
> 
> have some backstory + flashbacks, because this is an au and i do what i want
> 
> also padme is trans but palps will be not be on that respect train and also padme hasn't fully figured it out yet in this fic yet, so we'll be using she until that point
> 
> i will be posting this early for editing since the typing process is a lot slower now and it makes my life easier, this is nowhere near done as a chapter yet and it might have some current stuff that isn't flashbacks while I organize my thoughts

**Everything Before Order 66**

Sheev Palpatine always planned on making Padme Amidala his apprentice. There is a certain symmetry in it, from their shared planets and the fact that the raw-power of her latent force sensitivity apparently has been overlooked, which means he has unfettered access without interference from other force users. Their proximity and professional circles means she will be conveniently placed to monitor all the easier.

There are a lot of ways to make someone pliable, in Sheev Palpatine's experience. And while he isn't one for teamwork, he knows influential when he sees it, knows the pull she has on the public, and Padme Amidala has enough rage hidden inside her that it would be a crime not to make her into something far more magnificent.

After all, it's the idealistic, moral ones, so full of the need for justice, that makes them so satisfying to watch fall.

And while naivete will have no purpose when Sheev creates his empire, in the interim, before Padme Amidala is made into something more... It helps, so often, with goodwill.

Padme doesn't distrust her friends, however much her instincts may make her all too suspicious of a politician.

It is lucky they started off as friends, with Sheev as a mentor and someone to lean on, before politics got in the way.

\--

Now, throwing Padme to the wolves while setting up the pieces with the Trade Federation and destroying the Jedi- that was more testing the waters.

Sheev knows big events and shatterpoints are waiting to coagulate around Padme's orbit, and he knows she'll be the key to helping him consolidate his power.

He just can't see the major details- it's all shrouded. Brimming with the Dark Side enough to cloud prying eyes, and always promising, but not concrete by any stretch of the imagination. Padme's innate force abilities make that precognition so very fickle, mires everything in it like a whirlpool that does not let go of it's quarry.

So Sheev sends his current, disposable apprentice to deal with every curveball he anticipates when dealing with Padme. He knows she won't take occupation of Naboo without a fight, and while he doesn't know the exact trajectory of what must be done, he trusts whatever happens will lead Padme forward.

The Force is with her- and thereby him- every time he makes a move.

\--

Breaking the blockade is a surprise, albeit one Sheev has contingencies for, seeing as he knows doom and destruction has a way of circling Amidala without descending upon her.

But finding the boy the Jedi call the Chosen One...

That is something Sheev finds fortuitous, and almost hilarious, considering in all his wildest conjectures even that did not occur to him, and yet, really, he shouldn't be surprised, given past precedents dealing with Padme's wild force abilities. He doesn't know if the boy is Chosen or not, when he chose his own ace- but he will be useful.

And Padme's own brand of luck in the force keeps Sheev gambling.

After all, it's not much of a gamble when the board is rigged in your favor.

\--

Anakin being instrumental to his plans, once he was made aware of the boy, his own untapped astronomical power, and the Jedi's beliefs towards his destiny, made it all come together with a sense of finality that surprised even someone accustomed to foresight. Love is something Sheev is used to manipulating, before snuffing out it's weakness and replacing it with something far superior.

Fear, anger, and above all, submission- all tools he found too useful, particularly when he's breaking the rule of two to make a better empire in his image. Plagueis, Bane, the lot of the old guard of the Sith- it would be nothing compared to what he'd build over the carcass of their revolutions and regimes, one failed, and one too secret and unambitious for the likes of him.

The rule of two was merely a tool for hiding in the shadows- but one day, he'd have all of the Skywalkers under his thumb, and the force would bow to his will.

All he has to do is wait.

\--

The singular fact is, Padme's force signature and sensitivity is so subtle and so encompassing, that it is like a black hole, eclipsing the orbit of Anakin's own raging inferno of force and power that blazes like the sun.

It is so vast, so powerful, it is like the ocean. You just don't realize how deeply immersed in it you are because you can breathe and live as you normally would inside it's radius.

But the force is with her, so much that, when in trouble, the aftershocks call to those who can answer it.

It bonds her and Anakin together tighter than perhaps is ideal, in some ways, but in others, it is every point of leverage Sheev knows how to manipulate.

Padme is in trouble, and everyone who cares or who is influenced by her gets hit, no matter how much they think otherwise.

And that is why, if it can be avoided, Sheev will not kill her intentionally after testing her, if she does exceed all his expectations and try to take his place or tries to bow out of what plans he has for her.

She is the linchpin, even when incapacitated. With her dead, Anakin is a puppet, with cut strings, and while he knows how to be a slave with or without a leash, Sheev didn't start this war as a means to amass a slave. He wants something more from the both of them.

He wants them to see things the way he does.

He wants them to be his legacy.

And if they cannot do that... Then Padme Amidala is the perfect means to keep Anakin Skywalker under control, and his hold over Anakin will keep her in line.

\--

The election of Sheev Palpatine to chancellor with the no vote of no confidence in Valorum was all but promised, in Sheev's eyes.

He'd always been a shoulder for Amidala to lean on, however remote, and while she did keep to herself, with all the ease it took to drive a wedge between her and her family, even she sometimes broke her own self-contained reliance to talk policy and goals with her colleague.

Sheev likes to think she sees him as a kindly, old man under the necessary political shields and veneers of their office. Like a grandfather, perhaps. And if it wasn't for the handmaidens, his job would be even easier.

But that's why he makes it a priority to put Padme in dangerous situations, when she isn't already enterprising enough to put herself in the line of fire all of her own volition, having picked up some bad habits along the way.

Not only does it give him more opportunities for her to seek out his help or aid and further their rapport as colleagues and friends- but it keeps those meddlesome handmaidens from giving Padme any ideas about getting out of this life.

Padme was already isolated. He doesn't need to have anyone getting too close, when she is already distant from her parents and sister, and working herself half to death.

Lord Sidious also can afford to keep putting her in the line of fire.

Her force ability means she either gravitates towards those who he also intends to keep under his influence, and gets them involved, further helping to pull the strings of fate and the force in his favor, however indirectly, and also serves as a decent test.

After all, no apprentice of his couldn't hold their own under the threat of extermination.

Every good Sith apprentice who makes it long enough to become more has to make their way out alive, or die.

It's a time honored tradition.

The assassination attempts aren't personal- and Sheev has full confidence Padme will pull through, if not by her own design, then with the help of those she holds dear.

\--

Padme did not realize how much she chafed under the responsibility and public perception of her position. It's hard to focus on yourself when you are consumed by fixing the many problems of everyone else.

It's not like she gets a chance to breathe, with everything going on.

Sometimes, she can't help but stop entirely, too overwhelmed.

Especially after Corde.

Padme can't help but feel she isn't doing enough, and keeps trying.

But she'd be lying if she never wondered why she feels so worthless, so lost, so... empty.

\--

In some ways the dresses, the regalia, the tradition of it all- the need to look stoic and striking and remote, even if she was swapped out for decoys more often than not- as much as Padme felt off, felt wrong,in some ways it was a shield. when she was Queen Amidala, protector and advocate for her people, a senator looking the part,no one could gauge the real things underneath- it was armor, because Padme did not have to be herself, or feel like herself. She could be someone else entirely, reckless and regal and part of a legacy greater than her, not limited by the frailties of humanity.

She was not Padme. She was a queen, an institution of the will of the people that must have a voice, and she remained their humble servant.

\--

Just because Padme trusts Palpatine outside of work does not mean she supports everything he does while in office.

To the contrary.

But he has a way of making it seem like all the accumulated power is temporary.

And it is hard to rally for an abuse of power when you trust the person who has it only has good intentions.

\--

"Do you think I like that I feel this action necessary?"

"Because the law always wins, without fail. You know better, Padme. How many times have you gone off to right the wrongs of the world with a gun and your friends and your own judgement instead of letting something sit in committee?"

"All I ask is that you trust me as much as you'd trust yourself to act."

\--

Padme loves Anakin more than the Republic, and makes up for it by being more loyal to the republic to hide it.

Anakin also scares her.

These facts are not mutually exclusive.

But part of her understands the rage, the pain, the need to act, even when she can see the cruelty behind what he has done after the Tusken Raiders, even when she knows what drove him.

She will not leave him.

But she is a witness to Anakin's actions.

\--

Part of her wishes she did not hide, did not keep everything so close to the chest.

But if she knows anything, it's that hiding is the only thing that keeps you safe. It allows you to listen, to gauge, to prepare.

Padme wonders if hiding is all she knows how to do, even when she fights with as much reckless, life-risking abandon as Anakin to do the right thing, to feel something.

\--

It is always those who feel they are incorruptible most likely to become corrupted, soon followed by those with the lack of faith in themselves to believe they are corrupted from the core through some defect that has always been there.

\--

By the time Padme realizes they are not working towards a better democracy but something else, something worse, that democracy is dying with thunderous applause and it is her fault-

Well, by then it's hard to put a stop to the machines long in motion.

Even if Padme would do everything in her power to keep the Republic alive.

She didn't want to break it.

She just wanted to fix it. Like Bail, and Mon Mothma, and Obi Wan...

Like Anakin.

\--

Only it turns out, he doesn't think anything is broken.

\--

Fear isn't the only thing that leads to anger, to hate.

Sadness turns into grief, and grief can turn to an anger that burns colder than anything else.


	4. Parasite Eve (incomplete)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title a song by bring me the horizon
> 
> SPOILERS!!!!  
> this chapter is not finished  
> BUT I HAVE A TEMPORARY KEYBOARD SO HOPEFULLY NOW IT WON'T BE A MESS!

Anakin goes to attack, only for the downstroke of his lightsaber to be deflected.

"Padme?" He asks, and there is hesitation as they stare each other down.

Tears stream down Padme's face. Only they aren't tears of pain and betrayal and disbelief, anymore.

They are tears of rage.

\--

"I cannot support you becoming a Sith."

"What other path is there? I can't let go, Obi Wan... I can't not feel, I can't detach myself, I'm... I..." And Padme breaks, "If I'm not angry... all I know is how to be afraid."

Obi Wan hugs Padme close, and wonders if he is failing Padme just like he failed Anakin, and even maybe Ahsoka.

But he will not abandon his friend.

Not this time.

\--

"I could teach you."

"You killed Satine, and countless innocent people-" Padme snarls.

"You still need a teacher."

"Padme is not going to listen to the likes of you-"

"And what do you propose, Kenobi? That you teach Padme Amidala the ways of the Jedi? Because that turned out so well for any of us the last time you saw fit to teach? Face it, Padme is a Sith, intentions be damned. What happens next depends on what he decides to do with it."

"I could teach Padme." Ahsoka cuts in.

"You learned from the same man who hunts us now. And you think your teachings will be enough to best him?"

"I think that I have more of a chance of taking Anakin than you," Ahsoka almost rises to the bait, but then sighs and redirects, "After what we saw on Mortis... I think I can balance this."

"Because balance is what got us in this mess in the first place."Maul grumbles.

"No. Just your former master."

"If you think that, truly, Kenobi, then you already know why the war was lost by the likes of you."

"You don't seem to be doing much better."

R2D2 interrupts with a bunch of beeps and whirrs, which roughly translates to, _I can do it. I've watched all of you. You aren't going to win by doing what Anakin expects._

"Quite right." C-Threepio interjects. "I think, what R2D2 means, is, perhaps you should be yourself. Tailor the ways of the Jedi to the way you've already learned to fight. Master... Ani never learned to counter that."

\--

Padme goes off with R2D2, and when Obi Wan catches sight of them next, they are watching old training drills, frozen.

(Ahsoka avoids them like the plague, until she doesn't.)

\--

"We're sitting banthas. What we need to do is get as far away as possible-"

"So Anakin can hunt us all down one by one, like animals?"

"We need to find Yoda."

"Because that won't doom us, either. At this rate, we'd be better off following Vader's trajectory while he tries to track us. It'll be going in circles, but he's at least a bit more organized in trying to round us all up for slaughter."

"Charming as ever, Maul."

"Ventress. How-"

"The force works in mysterious ways, Kenobi, or is that not one of your favorite sayings?"

Much remains unsaid.

That Obi Wan's boundless trust is the force is far much more rockier than late.

\--

"If we can be found that easily, we've already lingered too long."

"That's not it."

"Pardon?"

"Amidala is like a magnet. Drawing us all together, however unconsciously. Do you think we would wish to congregate otherwise?"

\--

"We can either kill each other now, and all die or languish. Or we can work together, and kill each other after this new Empire burns in the flames of it's own creation."

"Dramatic. But... As loathe as I am to agree with anything Maul says, he does have a point."

\--

Shmi's echo answers, "If we can't get through this together, then the Force will eat everyone alive, and no one will get through this without more bloodshed, on both sides."

\--

"The rest of you are all alive because I permit it," Vader answers, only for his modulated voice to cut off with a noticeable wheeze when he sees Padme's hand go to her throat even when he's made it clear she isn't lumped in with the rest of them... And perhaps Ahsoka. He hasn't addressed her, either.

\--

"You aren't well."

Vader rips his cape and puts it around Padme, who is doing everything except looking at him.

"You should rest."

Padme says nothing, and just stares vacantly at nothing while Anakin lingers, although it is not long before he dismisses himself.

\--

"You murdered children. In what was your home. And you are building a world that kills thousands and millions of children everyday. And even if that could be forgiven, why would I ever, ever, let you near your own children, after the things that you have done?"  
"Children?"  
Padme realizes her loss of control all too late.

\--  
"I did it to protect you."  
"You did it for yourself!"

\--

"You can't lie to me, Padme. I know they are alive."

\--

Padme does not think of Bail, does not think of anyone that Anakin might probe from her mind and use to find Luke and Leia.

"Our children are far away from you." Padme answers.

"They will be found, Padme. And when they are, you need to decide if you'd rather I found them... or my Master."


	5. mother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> have some wippy incomplete shmi and vader because that's the one part of this fic where i'm just like... okay how do i have anakin dig a deeper hole for himself when his mom's force ghost is actively around?
> 
> i don't know where this goes yet timeline wise but it's probably before Vader and Amidala have a lightsaber fight or in between Padme and Obi Wan getting captured

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title a song by pink floyd

Vader stares at the apparation, at the mockery of the woman who raised him, who kept him safe, who sacrificed everything and who still held on, even as she once let him go to try and give him a life far from the pain she'd always known.

A mother who'd been butchered, when he'd butchered others in her name long after she died.

He stares at this force creature- this thing that claims forgiveness, yet also condemns, as a mother who knows the cries of children he had slain, and the disappointment, the pain, the pleading for Vader to cling to Anakin even as he tried to bury the man, the boy, even deeper.

This ghost whose love claims to be unconditional even as it asks Vader toss the only kind of safety and power and rightness he could cling to now aside, the only way to save living people and not the dead-

And Vader rejects it, and her, and all the emotion it screams from the depths of her soul.

Because Vader knows- he knows, even as the Force cannot lie, that this apparition is Shmi, he knows, somehow, it is a trick. A mockery.

A test.

And he would not let anyone else he loves suffer the price when she'd been the first casualty of a war long lost before the Jedi ever took him from chains and claimed they too, were not another form of submission.

(And he can't fail. Not this time, not ever, not anymore-

Because what else does he have, even if she's real?

If this isn't the solution, then how can he ever make things right, with all the blood on his hands?

But those are doubts. Doubts of a foolish, pathetic, long dead boy, who could not inhabit his skin any longer. Doubts of someone too weak to use the anger and the hate and the certainty and the distance to do what must be done, to survive, to be more than that, that let the rage fester into something ineffectual instead of using it to keep a hold of what he was owed, what was deserved, what he'd salvaged out of the ruins of every battlefield he'd made it out of.

Darth Vader denounces Anakin Skywalker, and all the man he is, ever would've been- and he would cling to the ones he loved, because Vader could do better than Anakin ever could.

And you cannot be absolved by the dead. Shmi is just another reminder- of what was lost. Of all the ways Anakin had failed, and would not be permitted to fail again.)


	6. Timelines (still disjointed)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure where this goes in the fic yet because my organization is a mess but I wanted to keep this part isolated for now, it's still convoluted
> 
> chapter title based on the vordeel video b/c it's great
> 
> ALSO I HAVE A KEYBOARD SPACEBAR AGAIN!!!!
> 
> so ideally after this bit I'll pick up where we left off in chapter one while I figure out how to jigsaw puzzle the stuff I want to cover in chapters 2-4 together
> 
> in other news, just so ppl know what the deal is going forward: my biggest concern is talking about intent, redemption, democracy, interpersonal bonds, and how attachments function in star wars and challenging some of that stuff and the nature of evil in sith and jedi stuff and interpersonal relationships and love, along with writing something kinda personal as far as the trans stuff goes because let's be real, there's a bunch of ppl who have written awesome Padme lives stories but this is the one thing I can bring to the table that I can at least say I haven't found in another fic yet, and because there's also a lack of fics I can find where ppl realize they are trans late so I'm taking all my feelings I haven't tackled in my other trans fics and putting them in this one, and that main focus is being binary but pressures around ppl imposing their views and how fluidity is a thing but having it imposed when you present as binary but a feminine man is going to be a thing because Padme is gonna be fucking fab and stylish and practical while still being a dude and while that should be evident, Padme's also got a lot of self-doubt (outside of beings trans and more due to the whole... collapsing democracy husband evil emperor issues) so that's gonna intersect with the variety of other traumas everyone has post Order 66.
> 
> that being said expect transphobia and ignorance from Palpatine and Anakin to some degree and a lot of emotional and verbal abuse and manipulation because things are gonna get ugly and i feel like ppl should know that going into this. like, Anakin will get with the program on some level but not always for the right reasons and not always genuinely, and he's still going to be abusive and... kinda diving headfirst into bad decisions all the way around so don't expect things to be rosy because he's gonna double down on some of his worst possessive and selfish traits and I'm making Palps more competent and emotionally aware but also cruel so that's... a thing. It'll vary with the story arcs but just letting ppl know it don't start off in a good place primarily because Palpatine is just... the worst.
> 
> As far as pronouns go, everyone will be referring to Padme as He once made aware except Palps, Anakin sometimes, and some minor characters possibly but everyone else will be using those pronouns, I'm just not sure when I'm having Padme have it click yet and use them because I'm still ironing out part of my timeline but it's post-Padme's fake funeral. So I might have some pronoun slip-ups because my chronology and ability to write things in order is shit so I'll be fixing that when this is more coherent.
> 
> also I'm only calling upon vague recollections of the movies and the ROTS book and some of TCW so don't expect a lot of lore accuracy i'm just rolling with whatever floats my boat

"There is still good in him." Padme maintains, not looking away from Obi Wan. And then he's looking out at the horizon across Coruscant, eyes unreadable, as he adds, "But that doesn't mean I forgive him. Or that I'm even the right person to try and reach him. I might be able to get close, but that doesn't... I don't know if I could handle that."

"You aren't responsible for what he did, or does."

"How else are we going to stop him?"

"By fighting."

"Ani isn't dead, Obi Wan."

Obi Wan's lips stay pressed together, his expression remote, until that composure, crumbles too, and he looks at Padme, forlorn, hair a mess, as he says, so very quietly, "That's precisely what I'm afraid of."

\--

"If it works." Bail challenges.

"It's not the first time I've faked a death. Give me some credit." Obi Wan tries to lighten the mood, only for Padme to twitch beside him, and for Ahsoka to be just as jumpy and somber.

"Because that didn't end badly where Anakin was concerned." Ahsoka mutters.

That wipes the false confidence off Obi Wan's face. It's not that Ahsoka even meant to bring things down it's just... They're all tired, and afraid, and getting by by the skin of their teeth. And if this doesn't work...

They don't have too many places to go, and the hunt feels like Anakin is already breathing down their necks. (Padme doesn't differentiate between names, even though there is power in them. In some ways, it feels like blaming something outside Anakin, or outside himself. Like pretending he's a different person when all he tried to do is be more distant, even when Padme can understand that. Even if his attempt to make excuses for his actions and his cruelties is different from all the things Padme didn't have a name for and kept repressed below the surface. In some ways, Padme can understand his pain, his isolation. In other ways, Padme does not know how Anakin could ever absolve himself and say this was right, even when Padme knows the blame spreads to himself, too. He was played by Palpatine. He helped him take office. He was as blind as anyone. It makes the guilt harder to banish, even when Palpatine played them all.)

It's weird, watching your own funeral, Padme thinks. If it wasn't borne out of the circumstances, it would almost be freeing, watching a stranger with flowers in her hair and letting it all go, all the things Padme had clung to be who people wanted and needed but could not be any longer.

In some ways, it feels like a warning.

Like Anakin would mourn the thing Padme contorted into, the body that let one hide inside themselves from the world that wasn't always kind, yet never really fit.

In some ways, Padme wants to mourn that safety and that certainty of purpose, of justice, that now feels like something he doesn't know how to hold on to, because wanting justice led to tyranny closing everything into a tighter fist.

\--

"My child, if I wanted you dead, you would be." Palpatine says. So smooth, so certain, despite the creaking tremors of his voice.

He, of all people is not afraid.

Padme wants him to be.

He wants to watch Palpatine choke on it.

\--

"We were working together." Palpatine argues. "We still are doing what we set out to do. Free the people. Make a better world."

"This isn't better!" Padme spits, hands balled into fists

"Is this not what you wanted? Have I not given you and your husband the freedom you've always never had? Have I not been generous?"

"Don't pretend that's what this is-"

"Don't lie to yourself again, child. It isn't becoming. You wanted your family. I gave Anakin the key."

\--

"You want me to be angry." Padme challenges.

"Yes. Hate. Anger. Fear. They are powerful. They make you stronger. I have only ever wanted what is best for you. If anything, you and Anakin are like family."

"Family doesn't hold children hostage and butcher innocents in their beds! Family doesn't seize control and throw every collective attempt at a just society turn into a bid for power-"

"All the Republic was, my dear, was different factions vying for power. The Jedi. The Senate. The Seperatists. Every outer world. No, Padme. You know the truth. People are tribal, fearful things. And family looks after it's own. Can you say anyone else has done this for you, without some other purpose? You know politics, Padme Amidala. You know how the world works. Don't pretend your friends are any more innocent than I. I merely let them destroy themselves with the blade of their own hypocrisy."

\--

"You say you wanted democracy. That you wanted to ease the suffering of people so far beneath you. You wanted things to be fair. And I crushed those hopes in my fist, because my dear Amidala, you will never become what you are meant to be by thinking there is any truth to those ideals. You needed to learn that what you thought you wanted and what you need are very different things. What you need is power- what you wanted, is power, power to control your own fate. And you will never have that so long as you hold on to childish dreams."

\--

"I don't understand why she isn't listening-"

"She isn't herself, Lord Vader. She's been through a lot, and isn't thinking clearly. We must endeavor to be patient."

"She thinks I don't care-"

"No, Lord Vader. On some level, she knows you care too much. That is why you must take care. Self-destruction can be a formidable enemy, when a Sith turns their own power on themselves. We need to be vigilant, and we need to do what must be done. But that doesn't mean you need to spiral into a panic unbecoming of someone of your position. The people you love need you. Give them what you can, but do not falter on the work we know must be done."

"Yes, my master."

\--

Things are often black and white with Anakin.

Being in control. Not. Being worthy of being protected. Not. Being a person. Being disposable. Being owned, or being the one giving orders.

Or maybe that was exactly the problem.

Maybe the whole point is that Anakin would rather remain blind, remain right, remain powerful- than ever having to face the reality of what he'd done.

It isn't that he hasn't suffered. He has. He'd been used, lied to, torn apart by war.

So have many others. It doesn't undo the damage he thinks deserves to be meted out.

Padme... Padme was burning up from the inside out. Held in the anger until it was almost like blood rising in his throat, leaking out wherever it would find purchase, borne from grief and pain and feeling complicit and knowing he could not undone what was done. He cannot let go. He cannot be silent, be used, be part of the machine he'd watched turn into a bloodbath for everyone.

Padme was a Sith because he'd wanted justice and in wanting had been a part of what doomed the Republic, and his anger is all he has to try and rebuild something kinder, something better than this authoritarian nightmare, that tossed every attempt at reform and freedom and moving forward away under Palpatine's thumb.

If Padme didn't rage, he was lost, because it would undo him. The sadness would swallow him whole.

Anakin... Padme doesn't know what has consumed him. Greed? Pain? Distance? The need to call the shots? Being unable to trust in letting go and the people who Padme thought he knew loved him?

Anakin's anger... Anakin's was denial. Or not. He knows what he did.

He just doesn't care about the price, when it is all Padme can think about.

"I can live with what I am, Anakin. Can you?"

Anakin's anger isn't protective. Isn't trying to right the wrong that had led Padme astray from the lies he'd believed once. Anakin's anger is selfish. Possessive. It wants to rewrite history. It wants to break everything trying to make him remember he can't undo the past. He wants to murder everything that would remind him, or break them, or make them change to fit what he needs them to pretend they've been. To be the people he'd laid a claim to.

Because if there is one thing Padme knows, it is that, no matter how many times Anakin says he did this for Padme, it's that even if he did... He didn't stop. He didn't listen and stop the minute he knew he was causing more harm than he'd tried to fix. That the murder of innocent people would never be something Padme would want or ask of him.

That he did it to pretend he could keep himself safe from the enormity of what he has done.

Padme can't stare away from the wreckage and needs to fix it.

Anakin only wants to burn it all down more.

And that... That betrays Padme most of all. Because he doesn't know if he knew Anakin, deep down, if this is what he's choosing to become.

\--

"We wanted the same thing." Anakin says. No, Vader. No, Anakin, because no matter how much Padme wants to pretend this man is someone different, it is Anakin, Anakin in all the ways he's always been afraid of behind all the parts that loved him, that wanted to stay blind to all the rest.

"No. We did once. But you chose another path when you couldn't see what was right in front of your face. Palpatine isn't freeing slaves or liberating people or fixing things, Ani. You aren't protecting me. You butchered so many people. And that's what you want. That's what you've chosen. When you saw the truth and chose to make a new war instead of fighting the one we've been fighting all along. When you decided it wasn't worth fighting anymore."


	7. Maria (incomplete)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so I'm just going to formally apologize to everyone, I can't focus for anything so I'm still uploading this thing incomplete and out of order while I try to make my writer's block turn into a functioning story, so if you want to read this in order and not have things be spoiled please ignore this
> 
> and if ppl get sick of incomplete/edited chapters after the fact... it's all i got right now
> 
> that being said... Threepio and R2D2 are also getting some fix-it because changed events means they get to keep their character development and their memories and I am not letting their sassy Skywalker-drama levels be neglected or ignored because they are part of this family unit and they have their own feelings about everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title a song by two feet
> 
> not done yet either but apparently this is gonna be haphazard too
> 
> chronologically this occurs after Padme and Obi Wan get captured I just don't know when I'm having that happen yet... because I kinda just want to get ppl in a room together and all the angst in here but i haven't gotten that far yet
> 
> also this is post Padme realizing he's trans so the pronouns will reflect that unless I accidentally smushed something in here I shouldn't have that should've gone earlier before the revelation.

"You said you could not follow me if I went down this path." Vader breathes, seeking out Padme under the catwalk. "Yet, from how I see it, you've followed in my footsteps just fine."

\--

"I could teach you. We can overthrow Palpatine together. I know you want to. Don't lie."

But Padme does not want what would come after.

Does not want the world Anakin professes they would build.

\--

"How many people have you killed?"

\--

R2D2 runs over his foot.

And while the droid knows it might not be enough, it does make Vader slip.

Enough for Padme to rip out of his grip and recenter-

Enough for it to mean something.

\--

When R2 is finally rounded up with Padme and Obi Wan and Threepio, the droid does not squeak or curse in binary or yell invectives Anakin knows all too well.

R2 is very, very quiet.

It does, however, brandish the shock stick Anakin had programmed into him when he reaches for Padme's arm, until Anakin waves a hand and closes the mechanisms with the force.

"I'm not going to hurt her, R2."

R2 still makes no noise. Looks like it'd been staring Anakin down- silent, condemning, and while it does not have eyes, if it did, it would not waver, and would not blink.

The weight of the judgement would have once made Anakin falter, having not thought that possible.

But Vader is used to brushing off these temporary roadblocks.

\--

"I told you to stay with the ship-" Obi Wan sighs, only to cut himself off when it dawns on him just why R2 couldn't stay behind.

R2 lets out what sounds a bit like a panicked, wildly out of tune beep that is as close to a moan it can make.

Padme pats the droid on its domed head.

Waiting for whatever storm is coming, all the things brewing with Anakin now that he's got the lot of them bound and isolated and unable to fight.

\--

Threepio, despite being a droid with limited motor functions, shakes his head and does his best to look disapproving, and if he could purse his lips, he would be.

"Your mother would not-"

"Silence." Vader's voice, unable to sound cavernous and distant without the helmet, only sounds like a rattling hiss.

Threepio, despite not engaging in nearly as many dangerous antics as R2-D2, still does have standards. There's protocols to these sorts of things.

And no one could say that, for all his diplomatic relations, that he ever knew how to shut up.

He does make a good play of pretending to.

For the moment.

That illusion is shattered the minute Vader turns away, and Threepio adds, "If I am to be functional for the purpose I was created, it would be best not to unduly ignore my advice, Lord Vader."

While there is no change in Threepio's usual cadences, and by all rights he does sound polite, the last two words are distantly terse and tacked on in a way that would indicate scorn, or derision. Possibly. Anakin can't prove it, and considering it is Threepio and not anyone else doing his best to undermine his newfound authority, there is a moment where Vader loses his composure, at a loss for how to reign this newfound rebellion in.

Not that Vader is kidding himself. Being polite and knowing how to evade people who would control you while maintaining all methods of appearing to play by the rules is also a function in every droid he would never neglect. R2D2 was risk-seeking and irreverent by nature before any tampering- Threepio's ability to be emotional and fussy and concerned with minutiae did not belie the fact that he too, was created through rebellion of a system Vader once thought he was not considered an aggressor in.

They had never been in opposition, however much Threepio didn't always practice the self-preservation instincts he'd pretended to have while everyone else ran headfirst into necessary danger.

Threepio was a tie to the past. To survival mechanisms built into his circuitry while Anakin was a slave, and Threepio had learned from the transition when he'd moved on from Tatooine and into this new life just as much as Anakin had, once, as much as the droid would pretend that aside from learning new things, he hasn't changed at all, thank you very much.

But Anakin isn't quite sure how to rid himself of the past in this case, seeing as the past tied him to Padme. To Shmi. 

To Tatooine, and everything he thought he'd left behind and buried.

Then again... No one ever said Anakin or Vader was good at letting go of attachments.

Wanting to keep them was only part of the reason he's in this position in the first place.

\--

"I think it would be best if you let us rest. All this excitement, it's far too much for me."

Padme has never been more grateful for Threepio's interruptions in his life.


	8. Heat Waves (incomplete and spoilers)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more huge spoilers as I keep planning some stuff and figuring out what i'm doing pay me no mind because i can't make a story chronological for the life of me and i'm struggling to write in general

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title a song by Glass Animals
> 
> also this happens post anakin finally accepting Padme as trans but still having 0 chill or morals about anything else so like... that's that. I haven't written the lead up where Anakin's denial of padme being trans is mainly because Padme's rejection of him and his ego and motives is part of his dissociation from his own actions and blaming Padme for his decisions but it will be part of the factors and fights earlier on since he sees Padme's initial attempts to be himself as a betrayal and a way to distance from him due to strain and stress and what Vader assumes is like, postpartum depression and not a longstanding unhappiness with Padme (that will also be examined because it ties into some of Padme's things with living lies and not being open with loved ones and repression since padme and anakin repressed a lot and broke in very different ways but anakin's abusive behavior is going to be more blatant and subtle regardless of whether he is respecting padme's identity because there's gonna be noncon and bodily consent issues and in general a lot of emotional and other abuse going on so like... it's still gonna be dark but that's basically the only thing Vader improves on with this fic because he's just digging a hole for everyone in the galaxy the entire time being in denial of his own evil and selfishness because seeking redemption isn't on his radar and he dug his heels in once Obi Wan and Padme called him out on his bs).
> 
> this occurs chronologically before the twins are grown up and probably like 5 or 10 idk yet, they're with Ahsoka in this part probably

"I have an idea, Master."

"Speak, then."

"You may find it be initially... displeasing."

"I did not take you on as my apprentice to mince words, Lord Vader."

"I propose we let them think you are dead."

Palpatine lets the silence sit, but not from displeasure. While Vader certainly is planning for a coup eventually, like any proper Sith, he knows he does not know enough to make a move, certainly not alone and not yet, (not when Amidala, Kenobi, and Tano are all refusing to be conspirators) and that they are bound in their joint purpose. Lord Sidious and his apprentice still need each other to see their vision through.

So he allows the audacity to stand without punishment, especially when Vader's plotting is done in earnest. The delivery of it almost reminds Sheev of the child Vader used to be, or the general, rushing into things without foresight and only instinct, save for the fact Palpatine can tell Vader has been concocting this idea for months. He wants his family back, and in the palm of his hand, and he is intent to deliver.

"Continue." Sheev allows, secretly pleased that despite Vader reading his mood, he was respectful enough to know his place. Head bowed, on one knee, reverent. 

"They will come here, when I take up your mantle." Vader assures. Breathing more evenly than usual, despite the apparatus that hindered it.

It is not the worst plan, although there are holes.

"They know you hate the political machine. That your reign will hardly be the most... auspicious move, when engaging the machinations of the alliance."

"We are still at war, and I know war. But more than that- they know what I want. Results." Vader counters. "They know I am impatient with our progress and anxious to make any headway in bringing them back into the fold and bringing peace to the galaxy. They know I'll want to cut out the waste in this inefficient system. And once I make contact, while they may see through a ruse or overture of peace, they may still attempt something... foolish and misguided."

"They will know it is not an attempt at a peace offering to talk, but a grab for power. They will suspect a trap."

"They will still come. They will be here when we need them to be. And that is all that matters."

"You are still holding back, my apprentice. What haven't you said?"

"That is not why you won't like the plan."

"Oh?"

"We need to be convincing. And they will sense you. Which is why, in order for our trick to work..." Vader trails off.

Palpatine gets the gist, and does not balk at the implied details.

"I see." Sheev thinks, then, of what other plans Vader might have waiting in the wings down the road. How he is playing an interesting game, seeing what lines he can toe and what weaknesses he can probe for. But for now, his current plan suits his purposes, and he has some of his own ideas on what faking his death might entail, or what opportunities might arise from testing out what attempts at dampening the Force might do to someone like him, or Amidala.

"Very well, Lord Vader. You are certainly taking a risk."

Skywalker was known for that, is it true.

"But I admire the ingenuity," Palpatine concludes, "And I am eager to see your progress when left to your own devices. I'll play along, unless the force demands otherwise." Then Sheev smiles. "It must bring you some comfort, my friend, faking a death of an old master when another one once left you to think the same."

"On the contrary, my master. The past cannot hurt us any more."

\--

Obi Wan's face is ashen, and whatever it is, his white knuckled grip on the controls of the hyperdrive is too immediate an instinct to hide, particularly with the exertion of the force descending over him.

"Vader overthrew the Emperor." Obi Wan announces, trying to sound as crisp and unshaken as he isn't. "And the entire galaxy is being hailed by the executor, to send this message to us."

Obi Wan doesn't ask whether they should let the message play out over rebellion comms and the ship speaker. Anakin can contact both of them with the Force, and they can feel his presence whittling away at their shields- and frankly, they had little shielding from the intensity of their bond in the first place, so it is all a matter of stalling.

Padme bites his lip, and wonders.

It is a trap. But what kind?

 _Padme_. _We have much to discuss. And I would rather speak face-to-face, than make you feel... uncomfortable._

Padme tries to drown Anakin's voice from her head, feels his throat closing up from the claustophobia of it.

"Open it." Padme finally manages.

It would be better to hear Vader, more remotely, in a way that doesn't feel like a violation, and to get an idea of just how Anakin thinks to threaten or spin this by contacting Rebellion comms. Or perhaps this is being broadcast to all channels.

Either way, they need to know what angle he is playing at. They can outmaneuver him. They can react.

Obi Wan lets the Executor's broadcast through.

\--

"Did they take the bait?"

"Yes, my Master."

"Good. But our loved ones are so predictable like that."

"Master... Will I be able to save them from themselves?" Vader, for a moment, wavers.

"Together, my apprentice, no obstacle will stand before us."

 _It is the height of hubris,_ Vader thinks, _that he says this when cut off from the Force entirely._

But then again, perhaps Palpatine is an optimist underneath his cynicism.

Politicians probably have to be, if they think lying will make them invincible.

Still. He hasn't broken his promises to him. Not yet. And until that day arrives, Vader looks out for the man who also looked out for him. Who opened his eyes.

Who promised to help him save his family, and the ones he loved, and never let them leave him alone again.

\--

"No!" Padme yells, trying to break past the door. Vader grabs him and keeps him restrained as across the threshold, shackles descend on Obi Wan's wrists. "Obi Wan-"

They strain trying to reach for each other.

They have to stay together, they have to make it out-

"Padme. It's over. Let go. Neither of you are going to suffer any longer. Stop fighting me-"

"Never-" Padme snarls. The hand that reached Obi Wan's own is wrenched apart, and Obi Wan is thrown back with the force by Sheev in the opposite cell.

"I am only trying to help you." Vader rasps, agitated despite the attempts to sound calm and collected and even.

The doors snap shut.

And Padme is alone with his husband, trying to tear him apart with nothing but fists as the force fails him.

\--

"It is better, this way." Vader answers. "You can't hurt yourself in here."

\--

"Why," Padme hisses, baring his teeth, tears streaming down his face despite his best efforts. "Why-"

Vader cups his jaw.

"Padme. I love you. I have always loved you, more than anything. And I know you have felt hurt. Betrayed. And I have not been patient, or handled things... well. We haven't had a chance to make things right. But things will be different, now. And if you've decided you are my husband? Then you are my husband. If you go and join the rebellion and try to betray me at every turn, unable to let go of the past? Then you are my very lost, very sick and misguided love of my life. But I promise. No matter what, you will always be mine. And I will not let anything hurt you. And I will not let you be taken from me. You are never going to come to harm again, not even from yourself-"

"The only one who can cause me any more harm is you."

"You will see differently, with time."

\--

"I will permit you and Obi Wan time together. But not yet. Not until I know you are well enough to not send each other into a spiral."

That's rich, Padme thinks, coming from Anakin.

\--

Being trapped in a cell deprived of the force isn't something Padme didn't expect if ever captured. In some ways, it is a relief, not feeling the crushing weight of the force that's been there forever.

In another way, it makes everything feel unreal. Like Padme doesn't exist. Like everything is a dream and all there is is this kriffing room with it's blank walls and Anakin's attempts at accommodations he deems worthy (nothing Padme can hurt himself with or try to use to escape.)

\--

"That is where you remain blind. The world isn't fair, my dear. It never was, and never wants to be. And most of all, it only gives what you take from it." Sheev says, voice so soft as he stares Padme down, his gnarled fingertips digging into Padme's jaw as the Sith Lord forces him to look into his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this entire fic hinges on Vader putting faith in something else because the same thing that made him think he was hopeless until his eventual redemption didn't happen because Padme is alive so the arrogance and ambition and selfish possessiveness just grew into a new kind of Dark side monster instead of repentance, and also because Evil Grandpa Sheev is still doing the whole "Anakin I'm your pal" thing because in this fic he is just as evil as canon but still going for affable around Padme and Obi Wan and Anakin for his own purposes


	9. outside (wip)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i just want to write some padme and vader and obi wan but it's mostly my wippy setup for some obi wan stuff rn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one of the funnest parts of this fic is having the contradiction that is vader being like: we're going to let go of the old systems and stuff that was holding us back! but also we're going to cling to our attachments like no tomorrow and this is not a voluntary thing i will make you cling to your attachments to me and each other because you aren't leaving me again
> 
> the cognitive dissonance of "i will hurt you because only I am permitted to because I would only do it for your own good" is very strong with vader

Bound with his hand behind his back, on his knees on the floor of the cell, Obi Wan's first visitor is not the newly self-proclaimed Emperor, as he expects.

Darth Vader dismisses every part of his entourage except what looks to be a heavily modified medical droid with a wave of his new, gloved hand, confident and imperious in a way that was mimicry of something else, not the man Obi Wan knew at all, (and Obi Wan doesn't look at the others, doesn't want to see the remains of the 501st in his garrison, taken in by whatever evil the Emperor visited upon them, after what happened to Fives-), and instead keeps his eyes trained on Vader's every move, the way he locks his hands behind his back, and looms over him, taller now with the modifications installed after Obi Wan cut his legs off.

"You left me to die." Vader starts in, less accusatory than Obi Wan would expect, more matter-of-fact, even through the heavy breathing of the insulation of his suit.

Obi Wan has to remind himself, that Anakin is dead. That he isn't this.

The alternative... the alternative he doesn't think he can survive. (There is a lot Obi Wan survived, that he didn't think he would. Part of himself wonders if this is survival, if he can't save anyone no matter how much he has tried-)

Obi Wan raises his head, faking the calm and the shields that he and the machine who used to be a man can shred through like a half-dismantled x-wing schematic.

And then all attempts at decorum and distance and poise fail, because Obi Wan had a shaky enough of hold on his composure than he thought.

"That would be stating the obvious, Darth." Obi Wan levels in a tone that is beyond exasperation, beyond all the betrayals and the loss and the pain (and the anger, the anger Obi Wan cannot let go of, the anger he's been trying to drown into distance and letting go into the force because he's one of the few Jedi left, even if he doesn't deserve it, even if he's failing to keep all of it from drowning him, no matter how much he tries to let it go, or slam down walls so strong he can't feel anything anymore, before that spirals into grief so vast Obi Wan doesn't know how to keep himself from becoming lost-)

Vader stands there. Watching. Not moving.

Until he removes the top layer of his helmet, the sound of it depressurizing loud as a blaster in this quiet, as he looks Obi Wan in the eye, shows him the extent of what he has done to someone he claimed to love.

(Obi Wan tries to stop the bleedthrough, tries to stop feeling what Anakin feels even when their bond has mutated into something far more twisted and painful, like a seeping wound that won't heal, like something eating away at everything Obi Wan tried to push away-)

(For all the ways Vader supposedly betrayed Obi Wan, he knows the lie for what it is. Because Obi Wan did this. Obi Wan abandoned him, when he promised he would never... When he told Anakin he would always be there, that he would always take care of him, and then he tried to kill him- because, for all the ways Obi Wan pretends Vader isn't Anakin, Vader knows he can't really seperate the two, even if Anakin is already long dead and buried even before their last fight on Mustafar.)

\--

Anakin holds Obi Wan by the throat, not letting him look away from the damage he'd done, the burns, the mechanics of his suit, yellow eyes slits.

"You said you loved me-" He rasps, his voice muted now kept outside the confines of the helmet, and adds, voice even as he can make it, "And I believe you. And I was wrong, Obi Wan. I loved you, too. I am only doing what you did to me to fix you."

And then he lowers Obi Wan into the tank, heedless of his screams.

Pain would set him free. Pain and loss and empathy and being reborn.

It wouldn't mutilate him permanently- the bacta was on site for a reason. But by Vader's standards, he needed to be forged anew. Obi Wan needed to be set free of his pain by embracing this new pain- by understanding what has to be done, to move forward. By understanding his hypocrisy, his failures, and what he could have if he accepted them.

He needed to give in to the things he had denied himself, because that's what led to them not being a united front. That's what stole Obi Wan from him- the Jedi code, the way Obi Wan had given up on himself by giving himself over to something he thought was worth more.

And Vader wasn't going to let him. Not any longer.

Not when he can see clearly that Obi Wan had been failed, too. That Obi Wan failed him because he had been broken, been made complicit in something larger than himself, rotten all the way through. Obi Wan had betrayed him first, because he had been betrayed long before Anakin ever would be.

Vader sees that now. The Jedi had brought them together, only to keep them from being able to ever really be okay.

And Vader would honor the last wishes of the man called Anakin Skywalker, the man he had left behind, if it meant breaking everyone free of the system that led them down this road.

Failure was not permissible.

Not when Vader could have everyone he loved. And if he had to hurt them to make them stronger, make them free, then he would do that.

He was going to save them, the only way he knew how.

He would not turn his back on them, like they did to him.

(And if it seems only fair that Obi Wan pay a price for his betrayal while Vader helps him along, then that is only proper, in the ways of the Sith.)

You had to cut the heart of Jedi out from it's moorings, as much as you could, Vader thinks, even if he might permit the parts of Obi Wan that were too damaged to be anything else to remain, if it meant he let the most important parts go, like he was so often pretending to excel in. Letting things go might not be the Sith way, but he would find a way to make the lie suit him as much as it's been the armor Obi Wan cloaked himself in, for all the good it hasn't done him.

In some ways, Obi Wan's need to cling to the past even as they have both crushed it under their feet but still can't quite let go, Vader can understand much easier than what has happened to Padme. That, Vader thinks, will be harder to break through, the one he loved more like a stranger to him in their grief and rage and rejection than the way Vader understands Obi Wan, and the nature of his betrayal, because Vader understands a Jedi. He understands them all too well. (And this- holding on too tight- that is what he knows, that is what will fix this, even as they cast away what he must, because, for all the ways Obi Wan has claimed to move on he hasn't. And that is the missing piece.)

But Vader's mission will succeed, he knows that much. He has the time and the means and no more limits placed on him now.

And if he has to pretend to be Anakin to make them both see, to make them listen, then Vader can do that, too.


	10. You Already Know (more spoilers and incomplete)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i'm hoping to get my chronology ironed out finally so this is just going here for now so I work on it eventually
> 
> it's incomplete

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> occurs sometime before other spoilers around when padme is coming out in general
> 
> chapter title a song by cold war kids
> 
> probably chapter 4??? gotta add some padme obi wan beforehand and some bail stuff and transitioning from chapter two after finishing that note to self add more Shmi vs Sheev plot stuff since you haven't worked on that major plotline yet
> 
> occurs sometime before heat waves and probably Maria

Would Anakin still love him...?  
Did he want him to love him anymore, after everything he's done?  
\--  
When not hiding under an abundance of layers for comfort, Padme always liked crop tops. It made him feel lighter, and easier to focus on his stomach and not the state of everything else.  
\--  
Padme cuts his hair. And when he looks into the mirror, he sees, not a reflection of what everyone else wanted, but of someone who felt like him.

\--

"My life was a lie. But not for the reasons you think."

\--

Vader, while feared for legitimate reasons, was also elevated to another level from his mythical, mysterious status.

And while he would be a force to behold, more furious and more backed into a corner than ever (and perhaps it is a gamble, too, to ask the people of the former Republic to take sides with Obi Wan or Anakin due to their celebrity status, or Padme with his), dispelling the myth to leave the truth is a long time coming.

The truth is the weapon that would bring Sidious and Vader to their knees.

The truth sets Padme free.

\--

"The one who betrayed the Republic was Anakin Skywalker. My husband. He calls himself Darth Vader, now."

\--

Ventress watches as Padme ends the broadcast to the entire galaxy, and mutters, "Something tells me he's not going to take this surprise well."

Maul snorts, but otherwise does not engage as Padme descends from the projector.

Ventress presses, "Do you think it was worth it, knowing that some poor sap on the other end of the galaxy is going to take the brunt of the punishment?"

Padme finally looks back at her, expression steely.

"I did what I had to do. And Anakin..." Padme looks away, so distant. "Anakin would hurt them, anyway. He makes his own choices. Even when he'd rather think otherwise."


	11. lategame spoilers?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ignore this I'm just storyboarding some very lategame ideas that spoil stuff and we haven't even had Luke and Leia grow up yet so yeah...don't read this
> 
> SPOILERS but I might also cut and completely change this stuff tbh I'm just throwing some ideas around rn

"I am a Jedi. Like my father before me." Luke answers.

"I am no Jedi."

"He wasn't talking about you." Leia answers.

The force flares with a different kind of rage-

(And hurt, and some sort of viscious almost-vindication. For all Vader's pain and anger, knowing that Padme knew enough not to be a Jedi despite attempting every option to the contrary, still felt right. The Jedi fell for a reason.)

"But you could be a Jedi again." Luke says quietly, "There is good in you. Padme believes it."

Vader's breath hitches. Thinking there may still be good in him doesn't change what has been done. Doesn't change anything at all.

Luke adds, "I believe it. You don't have to choose this."

But Vader doesn't feel the same.

\--

"You were taken from me."

"And that excuses everything you've done?"

\--

"I will never be your apprentice." Leia hisses.

"Your idealistic fantasies do not change the reality of the situation."

"I hate you." Leia snarls. "I hate everything you are-"

"Good. You'll need it, if you ever want to see Padme and Luke again."

\--

Leia does not raise the weapon.

"I do not need these."

"And you think a blaster will protect you?"

"I think it works just fine."

\--

Padme thinks he perhaps is not the best person suited for teaching Luke how to be a Jedi, considering he still is a Sith, however much he tries to keep the focus on doing the most good with the crushing power that comes with.

But seeing as Obi Wan and Ahsoka are out of commission, and neither Padme nor Obi Wan nor Ahsoka think it best to teach him the ways of the Jedi as they once were, and they are on their own, it is all they have to work with.

After keeping everything locked up for so long and everything that followed after, Padme was never particularly good at letting go.

Perhaps that makes him patient.

Perhaps it means they are doomed.

But the two of them will work with what they have.

\--

Padme paints his face, like he had done so many times before, the tears and scar of remembrance a red mark on a white, white face, the robes Padme once wore as a queen repurposed into pants what almost could be Jedi robes, if not for what Padme was.

Padme knows he isn't a Jedi.

But he knows what he stands for.

He is the vengeance of what he had witnessed.

He was what was coming for Sheev Palpatine, and everyone he'd hurt.

He could not erase the pain and the loss and all that made him complicit- but he would make Darth Sidious bleed.

And then he'd find a way to lock him up and undone the policies and give back sovereignty to the people who'd had it stolen from them, their voices and their lives and their families by a war orchestrated by a foe single minded in the subjugation of the galaxy- and then Padme would retire.

The world didn't need their help, when they had caused so much harm.

But Padme could bring down the evils that sowed the graveyard around them, and take the man who'd tied Padme and Anakin and their children in his web, into his grand design, down with him.

Padme knows vengeance is the way of the Sith.

But he knows who he is, and while he hesitates to give Palpatine what he thinks he wants, he knows that resistance and breaking the evil hold he has on the world is the only option.

You do not negotiate with those who would destroy everything you are, everything you hold dear...

Everything you love.

(And while part of Padme is afraid, that he is becoming exactly the weapon Sidious wanted... It is outweighed by the knowledge that the work must be done, and Padme isn't going to let anyone else pay the price for a mess he'd also had a hand in making, however unknowingly.

Being blind does not preclude you from the consequences, and what must be done in reparation.)


	12. You Killed Me on The Moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is a wip but I posting it anyway, sorry about the dysfunction
> 
> anyway this occurs way later on the timeline and will make 0 sense so yeah, I'm just doing my frantically hope my plot lets me actually write things that make sense eventually by posting piecemeal plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title a song by blow
> 
> anyway headcanons for Padme in this fic is that he has hair and a slight beard like Frenchie from the Boys and kinda like Evie's look in V for Vendetta before transitioning further/growing his hair slightly out
> 
> ANYWAYS POTENTIAL PLOT SPOILERS IN MY NOTE BELOW BECAUSE I AM A DISASTER
> 
> in other news i'm putting all my sequel feelings into this padme-centric thing anyway because amidala and rey and poe and finn deserve to coexist in scenes I just haven't figured out how yet although what I'm probably going to do is have either time travel be a thing or make rey and leia and luke and co all the same timeframe so massively au anyway
> 
> if it isn't time travel, Kylo is Anakin's distant cousin like, twice removed from Shmi's side, and Rey is related to Obi Wan or Palpatine because I might have Palpatine also be related to Padme idk
> 
> also this is occuring on Mortis way later before Palpatine pulls some incredibly shady shit relating to that but who knows if I will ever get there

And Rey turns away.

Because she knows she can't save him, because he doesn't want to be saved.

(In that way, Darth Vader and Kylo are alike, however else their methods differ.)

And Rey would choose the people she loved, who cared about others, who wanted to do what's right, who wanted to fix things, over someone who wanted to burn everything down and called that right and just.

\--

"You don't owe him anything." Amidala answers, and hands Rey back her lightsaber.

And then Amidala turns back to face Anakin and Kylo Ren, Finn hefting the lightsaber Obi-Wan helped him forge, Luke and Leia at his side, Poe and R2-D2 with their blasters at the ready.

\--

Rey faces down Darth Vader in the sandpit of the Sith Temple.

It is a test.

One of many.

But they share one common enemy amongst them all, and that enemy is Sheev Palpatine.

So while there isn't the threat of death hanging over them, they would rather draw blood than concede they need to work together.

(The rule of two exists for a reason.)

And with Amidala and Luke sequested farther inside, and Obi-Wan and Finn trapped by the confines of Palptine's plan, and Poe and Han and Ahsoka and Rex still working on their own attempts to break in with Kylo Ren still tailing them and Asajj and Maul trying to make their way in the other side, they have the best chance of breaking and entering and getting into the main chambers to dissolve the power behind Palpatine's plan while Amidala and Luke and Leia keep him busy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i need people to understand that I am a die hard Poe/Finn/Rey polycule fan with Reylo as the unhealthy abusive side thing where Rey leaves Kylo.
> 
> like, I loved the second sequel movie for the dark Rey and Kylo stuff and HATED what it did to Finn and Poe's arcs, Finn especially deserved so much more
> 
> also I want Rose to have adventures with Aphra. Do I know how? Absolutely not. Also I would love some time travel with Rose and Satine but seeing as Satine probably has the same fate as canon maybe I'll have Rose interact with Bo-Katan or Yoda or someone but tbh I need to get the obi Wan and vader and amidala stuff down first and then the luke and leia stuff and then focus on the rest
> 
> also I have not seen the mandalorian yet so as much as I would like to add in Din and baby Yoda I know literally nothing so they might just be a sidenote since I'm also having Luke and Han date in this probably? idk I have too many ideas and I don't know how to make them work together
> 
> in other news the not-serious version of this draft had the enemy of rey and anakin be sand and I think that will be incorporated somewhere in here because Rey and Anakin detest each other while I also force them to work together because reasons and getting back to their respective groups although it's kinda one-sided b/c rey is trying to keep Darth Vader from Padme and ppl but I will figure that out later


	13. Jedi Dance Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm not totally committed to this if we ever get there, but I'm posting this anyway.
> 
> is it complete?
> 
> no
> 
> spoilers for this fic are below, you've been disclaimed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title from auralnauts
> 
> anyway this occurs some time post the return of sheev after darth vader thinks he offed him because im making that plot point way more fleshed out

Palpatine faces them all down, Luke, Leia, Vader, Obi-Wan, and Padme, with all the horrifying serenity in the world.

It feels wrong, not just coming from a Sith, but from someone like Palpatine himself, who was never satisfied nor truly at peace.

\--

Rey, Finn, and Ahsoka arrive as backup, having thrown off their own opposition.

\--

"You did not hesitate to strike me down." Palpatine counters, leering at Padme, who blocks the blow meant for Luke. 

(The rest of their group isn't faring much better, similarly indisposed on the ground.)

Padme bares his teeth and lunges.

\--

"I never thought I'd live to see you grow into such a disappointment." Darth Sidious says, shaking his hands, placing his palm just below Padme's jaw as his fist crackles with electricity-

(Padme can force the flow of it through him, but he's already taken on so much of it, for so long, more than once-)

\--

Vader tackles Palpatine with as much force as he can manage, trying to throw off his aim.

\--

Padme stabs Palpatine.

And then he grabs his face, and shoots back lightning of his own.

\--

While distacted and with most of his skin boiling off, Sheev trips over R2D2 and falls down into the fiery mineshafts of Mustafar, while the strategically placed Threepio turns on the molecular force-destruction device Sheev had made specifically to disrupt the flow of the force on Mortis before he cracked it open like a walnut to extract the essence of the force and make himself something else, just to make sure he doesn't come back.

Just because the two droids aren't force-sensitive doesn't mean they can't do simple math and calculations, or understand the mechanics of force manipulation where organic bodies are concerned.

And they had had ample time to plan for failsafes in case the other backup plans failed.

\--

Sheev would, of course, attempt to reintegrate himself as a force spirit to incarnate back into the world.

Shmi, however, has had ample time to acquaint herself with the force all this time, and isn't about to let him haunt Padme or Anakin or anyone else.

\--

R2-D2 whistles a particularly scathing, invective laden 'good riddance' before he runs over Vader's legs (as R2 still hadn't forgiven him for his other forays into murderous rampages on innocent civilians, or other attempts to grab power, or all the things he'd done to everyone else he'd considered family), just to get to Obi-Wan and to check on Luke's vital signs.

"He had a horrible temperament." Threepio agrees, nodding, as he helps Padme up from the ground. "No manners at all."

\--

Leia holds up the remains of the holocron to make sure the force essence remaining gets sucked into containment, and Luke prepares the ritual to destroy the lingering imbalance that could allow Sheev to persist.

\--

(Rex smashes the drained remains of holocron afterwards. Just to be safe. And if it felt cathartic, well, no one could really blame him, after everything he and his compatriots went through.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...I guess I did write r2d2 getting revenge
> 
> i just really wanted Threepio and R2D2 and Shmi to get their revenge too I guess, besides, murdering sidious probably wouldn't be cathartic for obi wan due to jedi codes and would still probably be a problem for Padme and Anakin because Palpatine accounted for them in his plans along with everyone else
> 
> note to self:  
> the characters involved for the ending climactic stuff:  
> padme  
> vader  
> obi wan  
> luke  
> leia  
> han  
> ahsoka  
> rey  
> finn  
> poe  
> rex  
> r2d2  
> threepio  
> asajj  
> barriss  
> kylo  
> mara jade  
> trilla because she's cool  
> maybe din and baby yoda are around if i can find canon to incorporate them
> 
> probably just vader, amidala, obi wan, luke, leia, ahsoka threepio, and r2 at the ending scene though while rex is doing important stuff w/ other people offsite and because u are bad at writing more than 3 ppl in a scene

**Author's Note:**

> don't read this if you don't want SPOILERS im just working on some stuff because the spacebar thing is annoying
> 
> note to self figure out if Padme is keeping the name padme or switching it to something else like Rama or just has a codename and keeps Padme
> 
> note to self remember to add for eventual future thing:  
> "wouldn't it be easier?" He asks and Padme laughs, because out of everything, being one thing and forever seen as another is not easier, even if there is nothing he can do but be the person he was meant to be and tried to pretend didn't exist.  
> \--  
> What if there isn't space for him? Padme wonders. Is it too much to ask for?  
> \--  
> It doesn't matter if you have it figured out or not you define who you are and you're the one who is here.  
> "I am here." Padme says. "And I will stop you."  
> \--  
> Would Anakin still love him...?  
> Did he want him to love him anymore, after everything he's done?  
> \--  
> Padme cuts his hair. And when he looks into the mirror, he sees, not a reflection of what everyone else wanted, but of someone who felt like him.  
> \--  
> "I did it to protect you."  
> "You did it for yourself!"  
> \--  
> "I have murdered many fathers." Vader says, looming over what could've been his next victim.  
> "Not this one." Padme answers, and leaps down from hiding to cross blades.  
> \--  
> Trilla and Mara Jade face off with Luke and Leia.  
> Bariss faces Ahsoka.  
> Obi Wan faces Palpatine.  
> Padme faces Vader.


End file.
